BORED with THE Chit Chat

Have you noticed that your repertoire has dwindled in your conversation with your partner? If it isn't about what you're planning to do this weekend, or what happened to your friend Carolyn and her boyfriend, or just moaning about job, latest TV show, subway, money, conversation has become nil? Scary. But is doesn't have to be that way. You MUST, as a couple infuse deep intellectual concepts into your repertoire if you want to keep the stimulation and excitement in your relationship.
Not everyone needs this. Some of you are happy enough, that's fine. But for some couples, at least an individual in the couple feels a yearning for new dialogue, new ways of communicating, infused riveting banter, even if it's once or twice a week. Doesn't have to be constant. There is a need for quiet, mindless time together too. But a balance of both will increase the intimacy and offer another layer of personality that you and your partner can enjoy, get to know, and grow from.
Edmund Husserl 19th century philosopher asks, " Are you willing to sacrifice the dross of conjecture for the pure gold of essential knowledge?"
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SEX and SANTA

With the Holidays and all this good cheer, Are you and your partner more sexually active, or not? Has the stress of gifts, family, spending money put a damper on your routine of romance? Maybe you are even fighting more because of the stress around the holidays. Well, there not suppose to interfere with your sex life.
What about the idea that your partner is hard to shop for. In that case get him or her something sexy to wear.
Something that is only between the two of you. He should think about getting you something romantic, why wait for Valentine's Day, that's stupid. There are plenty of opportunities to be romantic during the holiday rush so don't wait for Santa.www.facebook.com/groups/happytodaydivorcedtomorrow
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FIRST IMPRESSION IS LAST IMPRESSION

first impressions as we have been told are lasting impressions.  As humans, we have a switch that goes off that quickly sizes up new encounters. Immediately, we make snap judgments.
Of course, over time, exposed to the same person, place or thing other factors come in and expand our thinking and our impression on it.
As an exercise, consider the first time you met your partner. The very first encounter, what was your impression? How much of it still remains registered in your brain? Good? Bad? Indifferent?
Do you think sometimes when there are problems or conflicts in the relationship you have reverted back to earlier impressions? Even your first impression?
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JUST ADMIT IT

It's not a mortal sin to admit when you made a mistake, we all do. If you fear being ridiculed or judged or scolded that's understandable. Although it's important to pay attention to where it comes from. If the person who calls you out on your faux pas loves you, then take your lickings, apologize, and move on. If your partner tells you they care about you and love you, then a little scolding isn't going to send the relationship back to zero. If your partner is frustrated with you over something that isn't a major catastrophe then keep your ego out of it and just validate her or his feelings of frustration, rather than reverse blame, rationalize or justify your actions. If you know your partner loves you, you should feel safe enough to say,'You're right, I'm sorry you are frustrated with me." This will make your partner feel a whole lot better about you and the relationship. Kiss and forget about it. UNLESS!! THEY KEEP SCREWING UP! 

MONEY SPENT AND THE HOLIDAYS

With gift giving season how do you feel about spending on your loved one? Do you and your partner splurge on each other? Or do you share a gift, meaning that you buy something or do something together?
I hope you don't just buy him another tie or gloves or buy her earrings (unless their diamonds!) But instead, you both talk about something to do or have that you wouldn't normally do the rest of the year.
Even a weekend away or a Broadway show can be a special gift if this isn't the norm. What about taking in a lecture, or a cooking class together?
If you want him to unwrap something under the tree, then may be that can be you. Or if she likes a little holiday romance, snuggle up to her a little longer in the morning or make her breakfast in bed.
So it's not about the expensive gifts it's the creativity and thought behind them that say "I know you, and you have been VERY GOOD this year."
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WILL YOU CHEAT ON YOUR PARTNER?

What keeps you from cheating or betraying your partner? Is it that you hold the relationship you are in sacred? Are you afraid of getting caught? Or is your relationship so satisfying that no one else could be as wonderful or as loving as your partner?
There are many reasons why people cheat.One is the boredom, another is to get through a relationship without having to end it, or you are starved for needs that can't be met and someone comes along and fills that void. There are cheaters because the problems in the relationship are such that cheating is just an alarm to bigger problems that are going on.
Whether it's emotional or physical, stepping outside of the relationship is a cause for reassessment and a sit down with your mate.
If you are so unhappy and you feel you may be vulnerable and  the possibility of hurting the couple-hood you are in, before you go and allow someone else into your private space, (the relationship) then think twice and sit your man or woman down and express how you really feel.
If that other partner doesn't wake up and smell the coffee, you got huge problems. Better get some counseling. any comments? www.facebook.com/groups/happytodaydivorcedtomorrow or www.danagreco.com or read our articles on www.mediationandcounseling.com

IN LAWS AND HOLIDAYS

It's a wonder how you can be married to someone and their siblings are the complete opposite of your partner. But now you have to get along with them, but how. First of all, since her sister is an uptight snob which would never be your kind of people how are you to win her over? Or his brother is a loser which makes you appreciate your partner more but wonder why is your partner successful but his brother is a lazy bum?
It's important to find out why in the sibling world do siblings experience their lives so differently.Don't need to analyze but knowing how and why your partner turned out the way they did separate from their siblings is a clue to future success in your relationship.
Getting along with the siblings of your partner despite the vast difference of personality is the challenge. Meeting them where they are is the key. Blend rather then repel.Granted her brother is a spoiled prince and your partner carried the world on her shoulders is not something you need to change. This system has formed long before you got there,just go with it and if anything, help her rather than fight her on it. Any comments or questions join us on FB www.facebook.com/groups/happytodaydivorcedtomorrow find us www.mediationandcounseling.com and www.danagreco.com

WHY YOU WILL BE DIVORCED

DO you know why You will be Divorced?
Because what you think is True Love is really just True LUST.
Real Love doesn't divorce, Love may fight, love may hurt  but all in the name of PASSIONate committed LOVE,  LOVE doesn't discard or Leave or Divorce. LOVE DOESN'T Call Lawyers.
LUST will guarantee leaving, LUST is short lived. LUST Is selfish LUST is one dimensional, it finds fault, it fears being rejected, it's insecure,it's superior, it's inferior, it compares, it criticizes. LUST gets aroused and then quiets down. LOVE perpetuates LOVE is never quiet LOVE never ages, you are as beautiful as the moment you Fell into it. LUST Makes you fat, ugly, boring,mean, bitter. LOVE IS ALWAYS LOVE impenetrable.
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WHO MAKES THE COMPLAINT?

We were out last night to see the Broadway show JANIS JOPLIN, a tribute to a soulful woman, good tribute over all. My point is that despite the show and the theatrical experience blah blah, my concern is that because for obvious money reasons, security allowed misbehaved patrons to walk in and out of the theatre, cheapening the performance like it was a McDonald's.
We were constantly being disturbed by "clearly novice theatre goers".But which one of us said something to the theatre personnel? Who in your relationship, opens up their mouth to make a complaint? Do both of you steam and gripe to yourselves? Does one politely bring it to the attention of one who can do something about it, or does one of you freak out and demand your money back? Or do you get the  "SHHHH, don't make a scene!!
If you and your partner have been in similar situations while out or with customer service, and one of you feels you're fighting the beast alone, bring this up in a conversation. Especially, when you need him or her to back you up, or pull you back before you start swinging.
It's one of you who speaks up, but how does the other feel sitting silent?
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Is there Trust in your relationship?

Trust is the basis of a true partnership, without it there is nothing that keeps you together.
Not only is trust about affairs and infidelity it includes behaviors such as predictability, reliability,saying what you mean, speaking up for what you need, being open and receptive, and saying no for the purpose of self-preservation and self-esteem.
Trusting in yourself as to knowing who you are in the relationship has much to do with the ability to trust your partner in knowing who they are.
Seriously, what is the point if you  have to question your partners intentions, or wonder if what she says will she follow through. When she tells you one thing but does something else, It is a betrayal. And that hurts.
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Is SEX his BINKY?

How often I hear women complain "He doesn't talk to me"  but then all he wants to do is have sex with me.
Have you thought that maybe sex for him is soothing and a means to connect for security? As much of a pacifier is to a baby, so sex is to some men, and some women. We are not gender bias, however, let's face it we hear the complaints more from the women. This may also be because you will rarely hear a man complain his partner always want to have sex? so we get it. point taken.

The issue here is what do you do about a partner who has difficulty communicating verbally? Leaving you feeling alone and then reaches out for a physical connection.  Most times you will give in, of course you are starved for the connection.  The problem never goes away. Next time, when he or she shuts you out or limits the verbal, ask your partner to share a thought with you. Ask your partner to tell you one good thing that happened that day.  Foreplay can be verbal and/or physical.  As you touch and stroke, share thoughts, not necessarily emotions because this may be too awkward.  Talk about anything and let your partner do the talking.   It needs to get out of the head and out of his mouth.

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What Happened to OUR LOVE?

As part of this next group of Blogs We would like to address the lack of desire that occurs in a marriage. We see this in our practice quite often. The truth is that one partner truly wishes the relationship was what it once was. You remember, the laughing, the closeness, that no matter what each other was thinking, it was good it was accepted and it all made sense and you could laugh about it. Not like now, when everything he says or she says, is annoying, stupid, or nails on a chalkboard. This adverse effect has much to do with your disappointment about the loss of your love.
Tell each other how sad you are about the change in your relationship. In early years you would have been able to say how you felt. Take a baby step and gently tell your partner how you feel. without blame, stick to your feelings, and try to be empathetic. Just say " I miss the old days when we were really great with each other" Then walk away nicely! join us on FB www.facebook.com/groups/happytodaydivorcedtomorrow
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HOLIDAY FROM HELL

Around the end of the year, many bad marriages find their resting place. She say's by next Christmas "I will not be spending the holiday with this stupid man!", and she means it.So the divorce paper trail begins. This makes for the one holiday that sucks. It's awkward, it's bitter, and the kids are dreading it, because mom and dad can't get through the day without fighting, ruining their Christmas. Bah Hum Bug! You're scrooge, she's scrooge, the holidays this year can't be over soon enough.
This is so sad.
The holidays are for the kids, let's not forget. They have one one childhood and much of  their adulthood will
be defined by this childhood. So suck it up with the Mr. Keep the holiday cheer up, even if it means drinking a couple of extra Eggnogs. Next year it won't be so bad. Make it special for the kids, If they have a Christmas filled with tension and hostility this  will shadow over all the wonderful ones they had in the past.. We know you  both miss the joy of the early Christmases when the Love and the Marriage was good. Be civil and kind to that spouse that despises you now for whatever reason, you can make the Holidays special for you and the kids so try to do your best. It will be noticed.
Keep us informed and we will support you.

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