RELATIONSHIP REALITY CHECK

The following 15 items can get you started in accepting the possibility that your marriage may be on the fritz. As you read through them, feelings of sadness, anger and hope may emerge. It’s so important to face these feelings because they are real, they are your feelings. Identifying with your feelings and allowing them is the first step to recovering from the loss and transition of the dissolution of your marriage. read on:
Are the Signs that your marriage may be over
two of you bickering or fighting over the same unresolved issues?

• Do you find that your spouse annoys you; it’s frustrating to talk to him or her.?
• Do you worry that the fights may escalate into physical or they have already?
• Do you feel hopeless in thinking you can’t get the love or passion back?
• When you argue do you fight to hurt the other person’s feelings?
• How long has it been since you enjoyed each other’s company, and felt really connected?
• Are you still sexually attracted? Is it love-making or just sex?
• Does your spouse criticize, you or put you down, make jokes at your expense in front of others, then tell you are just being too sensitive?
• Do you envision co-parenting your children in separate households?
• Do your values and goals clash, do you feel one has out grown the other and is more interested in venturing out alone?
• Can you still be flexible on important issues?
• Have you or your spouse been unfaithful?
• Are you determined to be happy again and believe that you can have a new relationship that brings joy and satisfaction, and this marriage is not it anymore?
•  When you look at your spouse and realize it’s over can you be sad and grasp the idea that it’s over?
• Do you have a plan if you do divorce? Are you willing to make financial sacrifices for the sake of the children and yourself?
  go to www.danagreco.com or www.mediationandcounseling.com to learn more.

THE COST of Financial Security ?

How much do you COST ?
Money and relationships are a topic!

The topic of money in a committed relationship has its importance because of the fact that each partner upholds their own value of money based on the way they have learned to perceive its meaning.
Whether you grew up wealthy, impoverished, or in the middle, you and your partner have a philosophy that can be either in sync or unfortunately incongruent with your living lifestyle.
For example, say you grew up in an upper middle class household your parents provided for you, and you never went without. You grew up knowing that if you needed anything, like a new bike, winter coat, college education, it would always be there. But now, you have your own bank account and income, but nowhere near the amount your parents had, yet you are accustomed to buying and shopping for the luxuries and necessities, as you need them, not when you can afford them. Growing up having access to resources that were always readily available conditioned you to feeling secure. The dilemma is that now, living with your partner and a budget, limits you in obtaining the once niceties you grew up enjoying. Emotionally, it’s conflicting, in that you’re feeling deserving but cannot purchase based on your partnership and agreed upon financial budget. You are no longer dependent on your parents nor should you be. It is their money to retire with, and you need to make your own.
Financial security is important to maintain for yourself no matter what. 

Now for the other example, your partner grew up differently, their spending experience was similar but then a tragedy happened. His family fell on hard times, dad got sick, or had legal problems costing the family their home, and comfortable, secure lifestyle.  They went from riches to rags. Losing money was frightening and impacted their lives much like a meteor crashing into their atmosphere. This financial crisis, taught your partner to save for a rainy day, based on a history that may have been traumatic. It may not have been talked about in the home, but he noticed the now stress between his parents, the cut backs, maybe shame, etc.

This adjustment into your adult relationship either transitions easily or turns out to be a disaster.  Once into, the marriage it usually gets worse, then with kids, even worse unless the discussion and rules about MONEY and relationships are adhered to.

The truth is if you both have different perspectives about money it will need to be talked about and if the relationship in regards to money is going to last respectfully, it will mean both of you will need to shift your thinking around how each of you behaves when it comes to the mighty dollar. BE SMART. Don’t allow the money to interfere with your happiness and your relationship.
go to www.danagreco.com and www.mediationandcounseling.com to learn more.

WHEN DAD MOVES OUT

If it is the father who moved out and he has his own apartment, unless he is a professional interior decorator, there's a very good chance his place bears absolutely no resemblance to the family home. No offense to the dads who lack aesthetic flair, but even if you took the marital furniture with you, there is something lacking, and the kids notice. Normally, little girls are protective of their dad and can feel sad for him.
Believe me, I have seen these places and these homes and I have heard from the children. They usually say things like, " I hate going to dad's he has nothing on the walls." or, "dad doesn't know how to clean, it's always dirty."  And "dad’s apartment is so depressing, do I have to go?"  I also hear from children who visit their parent at their grandparent's home. Children have said, “I don't want to stay at grandma's house to see dad, it feels weird."
When these comments continue to be a hindrance to the parent/child relationship we offer a family session to clear the air and to solve for this emotional, financial, and tangible problem.
It’s not until the family can sit in session and talk about their thoughts and feelings about these new changes that impact everyone. Tears, laughter and open communication clear the air. As long as all parties can be empathetic, patient and be creative. The displaced parent feels heard, the residential parent realizes the impact on the children, and the children can express their needs in an open forum. Having a family session is the first step toward collective bargaining. Family concerns will come up now
Go to  www.danagreco.com and www.mediationandcounseling.com

SHOULD FAMILY and FRIENDS INFLUENCE YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

Do we expose ourselves freely

When they ask, "hey, you have that look of love in your eyes, what's the deal?" Do we spill the beans and offer every glorious moment?
If we do, then the cat is out of the bag. And you know it's not so easy to put the cat back in the bag.
Friends and Family are most likely to want to know you are fulfilled and in a healthy relationship, wishing you happiness as they get to know your partner and build a relationship with you as a couple. That is all perfect and the best scenario.
Then there's the news that things are not going so well lately with your loved one, you open up and expose dirty details that make your partner less appealing to your friends, and now your family isn't so thrilled either since they have learned that there is an ugly side to this new person. Not too excited to see him or her at the next Family dinner. The two of you are back as one, and the conflict has resolved, well, maybe for the two of you, but not for your parents who now are on guard to protect you, and now they give him or her the cold shoulder. When going out with your best friend who was also told by you that your partner pulled some kind of low move on you, his or her invitation to join the group is not so hospitable. But again, you and your partner have resolved your issue, all is well, you both stayed up all night talking and talking until the silly little misunderstanding was fixed and love prevails. Not with your friends and family unfortunately, unless they stayed up with the both of you all night too and helped out.  Quite, unlikely. Nope, all they know is what you told them when you were mad, and that is pretty much what they are going to remember. So as a practice, it's imperative to keep the upsets and bickering inside your relationship, and protect it as its own virtue. Side note: If it's an abusive relationship meaning physical or verbal, then you had better tell someone, but these are the dirty details that get hidden. You know whether you are in a healthy or dysfunctional relationship,hopefully and you will then make the necessary decisions. Go to: www.mediationandcounseling.com
or www.danagreco.com  to learn more.

HOW IMPORTANT IS SEX AND INTIMACY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

Sex is one of the major conflicts in a relationship after money. This being a priority for many and if this particular need is not met or talked about can easily turn a great relationship into a tragic one.
Why then does sex even become a sore or neglected element?
Relationships begin with chemistry, a man and woman are drawn together by scent and attraction thereby stimulating sexual urges.
Everyone who has been in a normal healthy relationship would agree that the beginning of their relationship had plenty of sexual excitement in it. Many healthy relationships continue to maintain this, although as times goes on, both partners would attest that this sexual activity fades or has faded. NOT  good. Let's face it, sex in a relationship benefits the intimacy level, the communication, the quality of each of your individual needs and your needs together. Eliminating or underestimating this in your relationship can be a mistake.
When hurt, power, disappointment and such simmers beneath the surface and interferes with the sexual relationship your relationship can be at risk. When either of you recognize this, it is time to talk about it. If it cannot be talked about then you are at a great risk. Sex and intimacy is about trust, vulnerability, affection and honesty. If your relationship is not secure enough to tolerate these emotions then you will either find a professional to talk to, move out of the relationship or accept that your relationship is one of superficiality, lacking the very essentials that define a Real union between two people.

HOW WELL ARE YOU MATCHED?

HOW WELL ARE YOU MATCHED?

You are with your partner (LOVE AND ROMANCE) for a couple of years now! wowie! but how well do you really know each other ? and will you be as interesting to one another in a few years from now?.Check out this brief quiz and see if the answers are yes or no or worse YOU don't know.
1. Do you know what makes your partner happiest?
2. Is Sex always satisfying?
3.Do you know your partner's 3 Life wishes?
4.Who in your partners life have been most influential?
5. Does your partner know you and your wishes and happiness?
6. Do you show respect toward one another privately and publicly?
7. Are you happy to see each other when you get together?
8. Does one of you envision the future differently then your partner?
9. Do you know how stress effects your partner?
10.Can you talk to your partner about sensitive issues? with out arguing?
Go to www.danagreco.com and www.mediationandcounseling.com for more information on how to save your relationship.